The Practice
When we are experiencing big emotions it can feel like we’ve been suddenly overtaken by a wave. We are inundated and afloat, and it can seem like we never had a choice in the matter. Learning to notice and name feelings can be a tool for down-regulating in such moments. This can sometimes be taught as “name it to tame it,” which is a useful way to remember the tool, though we prefer to think of it as feeling more in the driver's seat by understanding your internal experience versus trying to control your emotions.
We can build emotional awareness in challenging moments by asking, “What emotion am I feeling? What sensations in my body tell me I'm feeling ____ (nervous/angry/sad)?” Not only does naming the emotion shift our brain power away from the amygdala (our emotional center) to our prefrontal cortex (our rational center), it can help us recognize the physical cues that correspond with the emotion.
Recognizing cues, like clenched teeth, butterflies in the belly, restless legs, etc., can allow us to see how that emotional wave manifests. This can help us learn how to ride that wave, rather than be inundated by it. In calmer moments it can even be helpful to ask, “What are times I typically feel ____ ?” so that we can begin to see a pattern and come up with solutions before our emotions take over. A granola bar can work wonders once we recognize that we are always hangry right after school.
The Language
For younger students: I can see that you are having big feelings right now. I totally understand. Sometimes when I have big feelings it helps me to pause and see if I can name what I am feeling. That way I know what steps I can take to work with it. Can you tell me what emotion you are feeling? [It might be helpful to suggest a few options or utilize the feelings chart below if the student is not ready to verbalize].
Now that we know how you are feeling, let’s see if we can figure out where in your body you are really feeling that emotion. Can you describe any physical sensations—like feeling hot or having clenched fists or an unsettled tummy—that help you know how you are feeling? Once we know where that feeling is showing up we can try an exercise to help us settle.
For older students: One of the best ways of working with really powerful emotions is to simply identify them. When we name an emotion, we use the rational part of our brain which helps us slow down, recognize what’s going on, and understand how we can get back in the driver’s seat. Can you tell me what you’re feeling right now? Where is that showing up physically? Once we know that we can take some steps to ride that emotional wave rather than feeling overwhelmed by it.
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