The Practice
As much as we believe in encouraging tool use in our students, in heightened moments sometimes the last thing a child wants to hear is the directive to breathe, focus, calm down, or reflect. Such practices can help downregulate an activated nervous system, but only if one is willing to apply them.
When the going gets particularly tough sometimes the best thing we can do is to model mindfulness ourselves. Not only can this help us work with our own potentially heightened state, it can also foster the conditions in which practice becomes possible. Visibly practicing a tool in a moment when our kids simply can’t is a meaningful way to create spaciousness, demonstrate patience, and model the behavior we would like to see enacted so that it can be readily taken up when the time is right.
The Language
Here are a few suggestions for ways to frame your own practice in the presence of a student that range from younger messaging up through language we might use with middle schoolers:
Do you know what helps me when I’m feeling really frustrated? I take belly breaths. When I breathe extra deeply you can even see my belly going up and down. See?
I would love to help you work through this challenge. I want to be as helpful to you as possible so I need to first take a moment to slow down and gather myself. I’m going to do that by counting all of the green things in the room. Feel free to join me if you’d like!
This is a really tough moment. You know I’m here for you, and, I also understand if you aren’t up for talking right now. I’m just going to be here and I’ll do some box breathing to help myself stay grounded until you feel ready to talk. There is no rush.
Sometimes I need to pause and feel centered before I’m ready to take the next step. I’m going to try the 5-4-3-2-1 tool and notice five things that I can see, four things I can touch, three things I can hear, two things I can smell, and one thing I can taste. Let me know if you want to try it with me.
We hope you find these suggestions useful in creating an environment conducive to practice. In addition, we wanted to share the link to the BDS Mindfulness Site that features some resources, including PDF copies of past Toolkit issues.
Let us know if there are any additions to the site you would find useful!
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